This is turning out to be a relationship blog *rme* and I don’t like it. *grunts* *folds arms*
Words. Speech. Sentences. Expressions. Silence. Action. Emotions. Pride. Ego.
In my books, all of these, make a relationship.
I saw a picture some time ago, it was a tweet that goes something like this “if Adam and Eve had communicated more, there would have been an understanding to eating the apple or they wouldn’t have eaten the apple or something”. I’m trying not to quote the tweet wrongly.
It must be hard always talking about stuffs you’re not cool with, with your partner, right? Yeah, I know. Like, why did you do this, I’ve told you before, you know I don’t like it, you never listen to me, this doesn’t sit well with me, I don’t like this person you’re always talking to, this doesn’t make me happy, you don’t get me, why don’t you just understand. And so on.. and so on.. and so on.. and so on.. and so on.. it just keeps going.
I’m taking a look at my past now, trying to wonder where it all went to shit and how something on the path of so wonderful managed to slip up and be completely ruined. And the one thing I could pick out as a similarity in all my relationships was that, one person never spoke.
– let me take a break from here.
Most, if not all relationships, isn’t just about two people. It’s three or more. No relationship (quote me anywhere) is private. Atleast, one other individual (that either has your back or not or doesn’t even really care or is bothered or cares too much) is completely aware and present in any relationship. I know how many relationships I’m a part of (that I don’t even know the other person personally, but I know what goes on in their lives, and many more) and I’m sure you can also attest to knowing about other people’s relationships. You can relate.
So, if you’re part of another person’s relationship life, what makes you think someone else isn’t a part of yours? Whatever happens from herein, isn’t just a one-man decision anymore. Someone else is involved and influences thoughts and ideas and opinions and that’s it. The relationship is by far over.
-back to my story.
I was talking to my friend last night (the only one other person I talk to about everything) about a girl from my past and how it was a good time, majorly just reliving the memories. Let’s call her 16 (she always said she was getting old and I always told her that she was the cutest thing ever and she’d always look 16 to me). The funny thing about my relationship with 16 is that, it ended even before it started. Short, very lovely period of my life. And it ended based on a notion, a wrong one at that, I saw the end coming and I let it happen. I just moved on.
Let me explain.
I’m trying not to reveal too much, so they don’t find out I’m talking about them.
So, there was 16, love of my life at the moment lol and there were definitely other girls that I was friends with, some even closer to (don’t grind your face or roll your eyes, no, don’t do that, don’t judge me). 16 was IT! I’m just going to leave it there. This world is really small. You all have to be careful with who you share information with. Not everyone really has your back.
So, 16 found out (through her friend) about this other girl that I was friends with. We were pretty close. So, it definitely looked like something. And I was kind of expecting it, because the other girl said something to me one time about 16. And there’s no way she should know because I didn’t talk to her about it, definitely. So, it must be the friend. Yeah, 16 and the other girl are mutual friends with the friend. So, that’s my only link. That’s why I said it ended on a bad notion.
So, my guess is, the friend cooked a story up for both girls and well, I’m guessing they went with it. The rest is history.
My relationship with 16 started to dwindle. My assumptions were coming to life. And we just drifted apart (all of this is vague, but i’ll explain properly, maybe, in a post just dedicated to 16. But let’s see how it goes). One random day we just started talking again and she told me she had a boyfriend. LIES! Obviously, but I didnt say anything. I was going to, but then she told me that her boyfriends name was the same name as the other girl. I smiled. (I’m still smiling as I’m writing this). Intelligence. In a very subtle way, she made me know that she knew. And that was it. The end of a love story that did not get to start.
How does my story relate to the article? Remember the emotions I mentioned earlier? Most of it came into play here.
16 heard about something that wasn’t true was didn’t talk to me about it. Remained silent on the case. She didn’t want her pride to get hurt. And I one the other hand knew what was going on but also remained silent on the issue.
The thing is, most relationships fail because we don’t communicate enough. It’s so ironic. That the person we claim to love and be in a relationship with, is the one person we can’t open up to or be vulnerable to. I think you need to be vulnerable to let people know that you want them to be there for you. The truth of the matter is, no, they actually wouldn’t know, because you haven’t communicated your thoughts/feelings to them. People need to understand. No one really knows it all and everyone has the opportunity to grow. Understand that different people have different experiences, so, their world is very much different from yours.
Are you having a tough time getting along with your partner, or things just aren’t going as they ought to? This is what you should do. First of all, don’t make your relationship another person’s business. If you need advise about your partner, ask your partner. It sounds stupid right? But you have the issue with your partner, and not someone else who doesn’t understand, and only your partner would be in the best position to talk with you about how to solve it. Keep your damn relationship private. Everyone is out for blood, or out for what you have, or don’t even want you to have what you have in the first place. Then, you should talk. You should learn to be open with your partner. You should learn to communicate. (I’m not even an open person in life, so, I’m still really working on this and learning to be vulnerable). Communicate. It’s all that solves everything. Only then would you really gain insight. Also, be vulnerable. Don’t always be macho. If you’re coming off as not needing anyone’s help, you’re pretty much making the other person useless. Even if it’s true and you don’t need help, (which is a lie, everyone needs help sometimes) don’t be that way to your partner. People want to be a part. Isn’t that why you’re together in the first place? And finally, learn to forgive. No point keeping a grudge with the one person that gives you butterflies.
Speak out. Talk. Communicate. Be happy.
Signed,
The unorthodox millennial 